


Made Of Stardust

by Flight_Of_Icarus



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Nyctophobia, Other, Post-Avengers (2012), Post-Iron Man 1, Post-Iron Man 2, Post-Iron Man 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-24 04:34:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14947689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flight_Of_Icarus/pseuds/Flight_Of_Icarus
Summary: nyc·to·pho·bi·aextreme or irrational fear of the night or of darkness.





	Made Of Stardust

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Skye_wyr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skye_wyr/gifts).



Tony used to love the dark. 

As a child he used to love night time. The world was quieter then, calmer. He wasn’t expected to talk to anyone, interact and put on a mask.

The dark gave more places to hide from Howard’s fists, to get closer to where Mama was playing the piano. 

It let him sneak down to work, lit only by a small desk lamp as clumsy fingers put together a circuit board. 

Away from Howards ranting, the judgement, the hated smell of alcohol, the “ _ Stark men are made of iron. _ ” 

The dark was when the stars came out. 

There were nights where Jarvis would let him stay up, nights when his parents weren’t there and they went to the lawn, Jarvis wrapping him in layers of blankets. 

With a smuggled astronomy book and a flashlight, spending the night finding constellations in the sky. Ana’s voice quiet and calming as she made up wild stories about how the constellation came to be. 

He knew they weren’t real, he knew what the stars really were, but he loved Ana’s stories anyway. Monsters and magic and knights in shining armour. 

Jarvis used to call him “young sir”.

Ana was the one to tell him that he was made of  _ stardust _ . Jarvis was the one to encourage him when he said he wanted to be an astronaut. That he wanted to touch the stars one day. 

~*~*~ 

Even when he went to MIT, he still loved the dark. 

Quiet hours alone in the labs, with no one to bother him, no one to demand his time, his money, his association; because all people wanted to do was  _ take _ .

Rhodey worried about how little sleep he got but Tony was long used to the few hours of sleep he got, too used to falling prey to the thoughts that bounced around in his head, wanting to get out. 

The nights were when he could work, could  _ create  _ without pause. 

And then. 

_ And then.  _

~*~*~

Afghanistan.

The enclosed space of the cave, the dank smell, the unprecedented suffocating  _ dark _ . 

The uncertainty of never knowing the time, the hours that bled together and he stared at the shadows that never changed from the flickering lights and  _ hated it. _ Curled up on the bed when he thought ‘night’ was, breaths wheezing in his chest and wondering ‘why has no one found him yet?’ 

He always woke up in the dark, with water in his lungs.

Encased in the armour, Yinsen’s blood on his hands, he stepped into the light again. Flames that hurt his eyes after being used to the dark, devouring the camp with all those in it. 

Stumbling through the coarse sand away from the cave, the heat was burning him but  _ anything  _ was better than the dark. 

He learned to hate it.

~*~*~

Rhodey found him. 

A flight, a cheeseburger, a conference and Tony went home and slept with every light turned to max. 

He didn’t want to be in the dark anymore. 

~*~*~

Stane. 

He understood why the phrase “keeping someone in the dark” was used when people kept secrets. 

~*~*~

SHIELD wanted him to cover it up. 

More secrets, 

“I am Iron Man.” 

_ No more darkness _

~*~*~

Stark Tower being connected to the arc reactor was the next step. 

(A warm light for all mankind)

~*~*~

_ I’m going to touch the stars, Jarvis. _

_ “ _ JARVIS, put everything we got into the thrusters!”

He soared through the portal. 

Life support was drained. 

All those ships….

Humanity’s most asked question. 

They weren’t alone in the universe. 

The nuke hit, a supernova of fire and light. 

He 

_ F _

_ E _

_ L _

_ L _

~*~*~

Jarvis, I saw the stars. 

Jarvis, I don’t like the dark anymore. 

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thanks to the wonderful @skye_wyr for her awesome beta-ing! Ily Pain Twin!   
> Come yell at me on tumblr @the-flightoficarus


End file.
